Hi, and thanks for checking in to visit. My wife and I have struggled to get pregnant for nearly 10 years – we have tried everything in the book and nothing came even close to working. We eventually took the decision to adopt, not something we considered in the early days and to be perfectly honest I have always been against it. I have always wanted my own Biological child and I have always believed that if I was to adopt I would not be able to love the child in the same manner. Slowly, over the years I have come around to the fact that my desperation to have a child has outweighed my adoption fears. Wanting a child more than anything is a tough position to be in, especially with so many unwanted children in the world. It makes my heart bleed to read some of the stories in the news about the terrible things that happen to unwanted Children, life is just not fair.
I decided to setup a blog for the benefit of my friends and my family to follow along on our path to adoption from the beginning right through to the end of the process so others can potentially see what is involved. Adopting a child these days is not easy from meeting with social workers, filling out paperwork and ultimately going through the process of meeting the child for the first time and the introductions to our home.
It really is a time consuming process which requires a lot of patience and dedication, not always easy when you have a full time job and little spare time to attend to things. This is one thing I have noticed throughout my life, there never is enough time to get everything done. Working at a normal job just sucks the life out of you and leaves little room for fun, hobbies and other personal things. With the adoption in full swing this year is going to be packed and I really hope I can get through everything and retain my sanity.
I plan to post more about the process in the coming months taking special care to document our journey from start to finish. As mentioned this site is more for people I know but if you stumble across the site by accident then I hope you will get a chance to learn something as well.
Ok, so I doubt anyone really bothers to read this blog anymore since it has been over 2 years since I really devoted any time to it. As mentioned before my plans to adopt a child fell apart – mired in paperwork and a very unhelpful system let to the end of a lifetime dream.
I hope that this does not cause many of you to give up – I think if I had more strength I could have continued but I decided that I could only handle so much and for me that was the end of the road.
I thought I would just update and let anyone who might be reading this know that I am well and honestly feeling a lot better. After the event I decided to try and build a more active lifestyle which so far has kept me mentally on the right path. I run twice a week, swim when the weather permits and really enjoy the social aspects of the game of golf.
I started playing golf about 18 months ago and have not looked back. Such a challenging game but one that takes me to the most beautiful places. I also really enjoy the handicap system that allows me to compete against other players no matter their skill level – something that cannot be as easily achieved with other sports. I devote a lot of time to swing practice which keeps my mind focused and helps me build a consistent golf swing. If you ever find yourself in a dark place during your life then golf could just be an option!
I try to keep the garden under control although I just use that for working on my golf swing so I don’t really spend a great deal of time planting – more ensuring the lawn is mowed! Either way it is very therapeutic being outdoors as much as possible.
That is about all I really want to share right now so pop back soon and I hope you enjoyed the short update.
I guess you may have wondered what really happened here. If you have found this site by accident or you happen to have read the posts (and you were not friends or family) then you probably need an explanation.
I decided to create this blog to detail my journey into the murky/complex and difficult word of adoption on the basis that it may help others and also it would be a track of progress that I would be able to come back and read in the future. Things got off to a good start but some things ended up happening that were totally out of my control and this lead to a good 12 months of depression and a lack of will power to update here.
I am not going to go into deep details about the problems we encountered with our adoption as it will really serve no helpful purpose – only to drag me deeper into sadness. The particular problems we had were unique and are unlikely to affect others. I will say, though, if you plan to adopt make sure you are strong mentally as there are any number of things that can go seriously wrong and are generally out of your control.
This year I plan to pick up the pieces and try this again, I think it may take some time as I am still healing but I want to make it to the end, get through the darkness and I would encourage any of you who might be in a similar position to build some hope and avoid giving up. Strength is built in the face of adversity and I can only hope that the second time around will run slightly smoother now that I know what to expect.
Updates will be coming but I still need a little more time before I feel comfortable exposing myself again, I am sure you understand so check back in a couple of months and lets pick this up again.
Finally, I have some good news! I have passed all the tests and completed all the paper work and have now got to the point where we can start looking into different adoption agencies which will take us on our path to adopt. With all the hoops I have jumped through and all the red tape that gets in the way it almost feels like a massive relief that we can move forward to the next stage. It really does blow my mind when I think of how many unwanted babies there are in the world but when you want to provide a nice and loving home for one you are almost treated like a criminal!
My husband has recently acquired a serious (and possibly problematic!) taste for online gaming and he has bought himself a new special gamer desk from Atlantic – you can check this website out to see some of the choices we had but he ended up getting a smaller one to save space. Our office/Gaming room will soon, hopefully, be occupied by our adopted child and we had to make sure whatever desk we bought would fit nicely in the dining room once the room is used.
I have told my husband that he has limited time to enjoy his private office as I plan to clean it out soon for a fresh coat of paint and then look at all the goodies I can buy to make the most cozy baby room around! I guess this is one of the parts that all prospective parents look forward to – decorating the new nursery and spending time with all the amazing little things you can buy to make the room look perfect. I am also on the lookout for a crib and I think I will try and go for something modern with a fresh and colorful look.
I will post an update soon with our progress with regards to the agencies as I have a feeling that process will not be easy either! I am fairly sure that will require a whole bunch more paperwork as well as some home suitability tests. Someone also told me that it will also involve a whole bunch of background tests as well, but, at least I have made progress over the past couple of months and am back on course to adopt my first little baby 🙂
As mentioned in my previous post I have been through a period of high stress and at last things are starting to settle down little bit. I have finished my sessions with the shrink – I am not even sure why I had to bother with that as he really didn’t think there was anything at all wrong with me, certainly nothing to warrant taking up his time! Well, at least I know I am sane now!
In order to try and relax I decided to get my hands a little dirty with some indoor planting as a way of relaxing. I have always been partial to gardening and growing my own fruits and vegetables but the weather has been so shocking around here for the last few months that it is hard to get the opportunity to get out into the garden. I decided to try my hand at planting indoors instead – as sort of a new and interesting challenge. I need to get a few things first of all and that included some planting trays and a decent pant stand which is essential. Once I had everything I needed I got started. If you want to check out some product ideas for your own indoor garden then check out growplantsindoors.com as they have some great articles on indoor plant equipment. So, after a few months here is the result.
I am very proud of what I have accomplished and it has really helped to escape from the day to day stress of everything else going in my life. I have to say that if you are highly strung then any form of gardening can be highly therapeutic and can be a wonderful hobby to involve your whole family in. A friend of mine is also an avid gardener and she involves here children in everything she does, the time becomes a bonding session and it gets the kids away from the TV! If you have a family then why not suggest you all do an hour in the garden once a week.
There is not much news on the adoption, now that the sessions with the shrink are over I can carry on with the paperwork and all the other nonsense that is included in the process. I will update on that quite soon.
Although I decided to add an update there is not that much to report. I am still busy with the paperwork which never ever seems to end. You would think it would be a lot easier to take an unwanted child and give him or her a loving home but it appears that it is a lot easier to give one away! We have been steadily getting a room prepared and painted for the eventual arrival which has taken a lot longer than I originally planned. It is helping with the apprehension that goes with this process as for some reason I keep this niggling feeling that something is likely to go wrong! There is no real reason why but I am sure that most people in this process will also feel something similar. Fortunately, I invested in a decent wine fridge which helps with stress relief, there is nothing like a glass of wine after a day filled with stress!
It also looks we will have to spend some with Psychologist. I think this is a bit overboard but it is part of the process. I guess the powers that be want to make sure we are of sound mind before they allow us to go forwards. The problem with this is the expense, a few sessions is not cheap and is just one more thing added to the whole cost. I know you cannot put a price on a child but still it seems like the list of expenses just keeps mounting up. This is a real consideration if you are thinking of the adoption process as it is certainly not cheap! When you offset the costs against the medical for a natural birth then I guess it works out fair, but, in normal circumstances our medical insurance would have covered the birth.
For now, we will just keep going through the motions, hopefully things will improve soon. I am sure you can tell from the mood of this post that a lot of things are on my mind and getting me down, I am sure it will improve soon though!